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Knowledge Base

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Signs of Abuse

It can happen with married couples, intimate partners and same sex couples. 

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How to Leave

Every situation is different. Be careful on how you plan. Here are some suggestions.

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Terms to Know

Learn terms and steps to protect yourself.

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Signs of Abuse

Signs of Abuse

1. Physical Abuse

  • Injuries: Unexplained bruises, cuts, or injuries.

  • Frequent "Accidents": Consistently claiming injuries are due to accidents.

2. Emotional and Psychological Abuse

  • Manipulation: Using guilt or fear to control behavior.

  • Criticism and Humiliation: Constant belittling, shaming, or demeaning comments.

  • Isolation: Preventing you from seeing friends or family, limiting social interactions.

3. Controlling Behavior

  • Monitoring Activities: Excessive checking on your whereabouts or communications.

  • Financial Control: Controlling access to money or resources, limiting spending.

  • Decision Making: Dictating what you wear, who you talk to, or your daily activities.

4. Threats and Intimidation

  • Threatening Behavior: Using threats of violence or punishment to instill fear.

  • Destruction of Property: Damaging belongings or threatening to harm pets.

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

  • Extreme Jealousy: Unfounded accusations of infidelity or being overly possessive.

  • Constant Need for Reassurance: Requiring constant validation and attention.

6. Verbal Abuse

  • Yelling or Screaming: Frequent shouting or aggressive communication.

  • Name-Calling: Using derogatory terms or insults.

7. Gaslighting

  • Manipulating Reality: Making you doubt your perceptions or memories of events.

  • Denying Abuse: Refusing to acknowledge or take responsibility for abusive behavior.

8. Changes in Behavior or Emotional State

  • Fearful or Anxious: Appearing anxious, fearful, or overly submissive around their partner.

  • Withdrawal: Becoming isolated from friends and family or losing interest in activities.

9. Substance Abuse

  • Alcohol or Drug Abuse: Engaging in substance abuse that exacerbates violent behavior.

10. History of Violence

  • Previous Incidents: Past history of violence or abusive relationships.

Important Note

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these signs, it is essential to seek help. Domestic violence is a serious issue, and there are resources available to provide support and assistance.

Prepare to Leave

Prepare to Leave

1. Create a Safety Plan

  • Assess Your Situation: Understand the risks involved in leaving and plan accordingly.

  • Identify Safe Places: Know where you can go (friends, family, or shelters).

  • Pack an Emergency Bag: Include essentials such as clothes, medications, important documents (ID, financial records), and any necessary items for children or pets.

2. Reach Out for Support

  • Contact Trusted Friends or Family: Talk to those you trust about your situation.

  • Seek Professional Help: Consider reaching out to domestic violence hotlines or shelters for guidance.

  • Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can be empowering.

3. Financial Planning

  • Open a Separate Bank Account: If possible, open an account in your name only.

  • Secure Your Finances: Save money discreetly for transportation, housing, and necessities.

  • Know Your Rights: Research financial assistance programs for survivors of domestic violence.

4. Document Everything

  • Keep Records of Abuse: Document incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of what happened. This can be important for legal proceedings.

  • Gather Important Documents: Collect birth certificates, social security cards, medical records, and any legal documents.

5. Plan Your Exit

  • Choose a Safe Time to Leave: Plan to leave when your abuser is not around or when you have support.

  • Have Transportation Ready: Arrange how you will get to your safe place (car, public transport, etc.).

6. Consider Legal Options

  • Restraining Orders: Research how to obtain a restraining order if necessary.

  • Legal Assistance: Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights regarding custody, property, and safety.

7. Prioritize Your Safety After Leaving

  • Change Your Routine: Alter daily patterns to avoid being tracked.

  • Update Contact Information: Consider changing your phone number or email and inform trusted contacts of your new information.

  • Consider Security Measures: Change locks, install security systems, or use safety apps.

8. Take Care of Your Emotional Health

  • Seek Counseling: Professional help can be essential in processing your experiences.

  • Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your physical and mental well-being.

Resources

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

  • Local Shelters and Support Services: Research options in your area.

Remember

Leaving an abuser is a courageous step, and it’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being throughout this process. You are not alone, and there are resources available to help you.

Terms & Words

1. Domestic Violence

  • Meaning: A pattern of behavior in an intimate relationship where one partner seeks to gain or maintain power and control over another through physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse.

2. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

  • Meaning: Violence or abuse that occurs between individuals in a close relationship, which can include current or former spouses, partners, or dating relationships.

3. Emotional Abuse

  • Meaning: A form of abuse that involves undermining a person's sense of self-worth or emotional well-being through manipulation, intimidation, or verbal attacks.

4. Physical Abuse

  • Meaning: The use of physical force against a partner that may result in injury or harm, including hitting, slapping, choking, or any other form of violence.

5. Sexual Abuse

  • Meaning: Any non-consensual sexual act or behavior imposed on one partner by another, including coercion, assault, or forced sexual activity.

6. Economic Abuse

  • Meaning: Controlling a partner's access to financial resources, making them financially dependent, or preventing them from obtaining or maintaining employment.

7. Cycle of Violence

  • Meaning: A recurring pattern of behavior in abusive relationships characterized by a cycle of tension building, an explosive incident, and a honeymoon phase where the abuser may apologize or promise to change.

8. Gaslighting

  • Meaning: A form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own perceptions, memories, or reality, often leading to confusion and a loss of self-esteem.

9. Protection Order (Restraining Order)

  • Meaning: A legal order issued by a court to protect a person from harassment or harm by another person, typically requiring the abuser to stay a certain distance away from the victim.

10. Bystander Intervention

  • Meaning: The act of witnessing an incident of domestic violence and taking action to intervene, which can include calling for help, providing support to the victim, or reporting the incident.

11. Trauma-Informed Care

  • Meaning: An approach to treatment and support that recognizes the impact of trauma on individuals and aims to create a safe environment that promotes healing and empowerment.

12. Safe Haven

  • Meaning: A place or service that provides temporary shelter and support for individuals escaping domestic violence.

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13. Trauma Bonding

    . Meaning: Trauma bonding refers to the strong emotional attachment that can develop              between a victim and their abuser as a result of a cycle of abuse and reconciliation. This          bond often occurs in abusive relationships where the victim experiences a combination of        fear, dependence, and intermittent affection or kindness from the abuser.

      Key characteristics of trauma bonding include:

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  • Intermittent Reinforcement: The abuser may alternate between abusive behavior and moments of kindness or affection, creating confusion and emotional dependency in the victim.

  • Isolation: The victim may be isolated from friends and family, making them more reliant on the abuser for emotional support.

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  • Low Self-Esteem: Victims often internalize the abuse, leading to feelings of worthlessness and a belief that they cannot escape the relationship.

  • Justification of Abuse: Victims may rationalize or justify the abuser's behavior, believing that the abuse is their fault or that it will improve.   

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Trauma bonding can make it challenging for victims to leave abusive relationships, as they may feel a deep emotional connection to their abuser despite the harm they are experiencing.

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Terms Words
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